Free exclusively to The Monkey's Brain readers

Ye Olde English Finger-Puppet Whore

(fingers not supplied)

Instructions

Print-out page

Cut out puppet and finger holes

Place two fingers of inverted hand into holes of bosom

Use a brown felt-tip pen to dot on the nipples

Place two fingers of other hand through leg holes

Put on a fake cockney female accent

Repeat the phrases "C'mon, Guvner. Only thrupence fer a bit 'o' slap 'n' tickle!"

and "Ey-up, Luv. You're a cheeky one!"

Let your fingers do the walking (and other actions)

Handy Hints

Try getting a friend to murder her down a dark alley using a kitchen knife and lots of sauce

Selotape tissue around her waist for a make-shift skirt then perform kicking action with your fingers for an exotic can-can performance

Parade her outside a seedy nightclub and stand aside to watch her score

Disclaimer: The Monkey's Brain is not in any way suggesting that prostitution is a good and legal profession nor is it suggesting that we should partake in the activity. Any money made from use of the finger-puppet whore should be immediately surrendered to our offices where we will dispose of it at our own risk. Should any user of the puppet be subject to indecent abuse from a client then The Monkeys Brain will accept no responsibility for your misfortune and suggest that you seek help in the form of a psychiatrist.