Gonk Shit

You've just won one at the fair, haven't you?

If not then here's how to make your own:

1: Obtain a print-out of this page

2: Cut out the eyes/beak carefully with round-ended scissors

3: Crouch over some newspaper

4: Create the biggest brown turkey neck you can

5: Stick the eyes/beak to it

6: Shape with modelling tool or fingers

Handy Hint: If you're a little constipated then look in the street for a nest of steaming dog babies that will more than suffice.

Serving Suggestion:

The Monkey's Brain accepts no responsibility for poisoning/blindness/illness/death resulting from playing with poo. Playing with poo is dangerous and unhealthy. Leave playing with poo to those who can handle it - namely, under 5s.