Free from The Monkey's Brain

Fancy scoring with guaranteed penetration when rat-arsed?*

"The Hole-In-One"

Keyhole precision for the drunk

*Not guaranteed

Instructions

Print-out the above template

Cut around the outside edge

Fold along dotted lines to shape as in the below diagram

Fix to front door just above the keyhole pointing down or below pointing up depending where the handle is situated

Use when extremely blathered

Aim key towards target and with slight pressure swipe downwards

Key cannot fall over sides and is gradually centred ready for penetration

Serving Suggestion

The perfect way to prove to your wife that you are still sober

Handy Hints

Fasten to front door with super glue for permanency

Fasten with stick tape or blue tack if you need to re-use on the back door for nights of frying-pan avoidance

Poke an LED attached to a battery through the target centre for night-vision enhancement

Try taping over nose to improve accuracy of peanut catching with mouth

Other orificies can be used with care

Disclaimer: The Monkey's Brain does not accept responsibility for peanut choking. Accuracy is improved to the extent that peanuts may score a direct hit and roll down the user's throat without adequate moisture from the saliva glands. If this happens it is advisable to swallow a glassful of strong alcoholic beverage (whiskey, vodka, special brew) immediately before gagging starts. If you are going to die it is best to appear as though you have choked on your own vomit whilst in a drunken stupor rather than from a lodged peanut. The paramedics would laugh and have a humorous story to tell on a fly-on-the-wall documentary. Grapes can also be used. Avoid plums and grapefruit.