Free from The Monkey's Brain

The Dead Monkey you wanted for Xmas*

but nobody got you one

Instructions for use

1. Print-out this page

2. Cut carefully around the edges of each part

3. Fasten through dark spots with clips

4. Tape a piece of string to the back

5. Hang up wherever you want and see the limbs fall limp

Handy Hints

Try sticking brown or orange wool to it for a realistic furry feel

Squash it in a book with a smear of tomato sauce for an unpleasant surprise for the reader

Tie it to your dogs tail for monkey-chasing dog-spinning laughs

Shake it at your pet cat to provoke a violent reaction

*The Monkey's Brain accepts the fact that not everyone wanted a dead monkey for Xmas, some maybe wanted a dead rat or camel, but everyone should really have wanted a monkey. The monkey you have received as a free gift with this issue is of course not real - I repeat for all you animal acivists - NOT REAL. No responsibility is accepted by The Monkey's Brain for those people who will go out and try to obtain a real dead monkey but we will applaud you.