"I Can't believe I can see again!" - S. Wonder

And you can too with

The Monkey's Brain

20/20 Vision Magic Eyes*

Short-sighted people can see clearly again thanks to this new invention brought to you exclusively by The Monkey's Brain - the internet webmag

Instructions

Obtain a print-out of this page

Colour the pupil black and the iris to match your own eyes

Cut carefully around each eyepiece

Use a pin to prick a hole in the centre of each eyepiece

Place over your eyes so you can see through the small holes

How they work

Reflected light from an object is condensed through the tiny hole in the centre of each eyepiece and the image obtained on the eye's retinal screen is of a much sharper and focussed quality.

Handy Hints

Get off work early by dabbing some red blobs and streaks onto the eyepieces and claim you're ill and have had little sleep.

Attract members of the opposite sex by gluing some glitter to the iris of each eye obtaining that magic twinkle.

Dabbing Copydex glue around the edges helps to hold the eyepieces in place.

Colour each eye different for that special David Bowie effect.

Restrictions

These Magic Eyes are only recommended for short-sighted people only so if you feel discriminated against for having good eyesight or long vision then follow these instructions:

Place your face against the screen here

Look at this dot until focussed

.

Wait 10 minutes

Now you're as good as blind you'll need Magic Eyes!

*These are neither real eyes nor are they magic in any way or form.

Disclaimer: The Monkey's Brain accepts no responsibility for blindness due to mis-use or proper use of these cheap pieces of paper you think will help your eyesight. If you believe these will really work then you're right, they do! No they don't, you stupid fools.... or do they? Could be worth trying, eh?